best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
