I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
