How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
