Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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