ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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