you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
