Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
