And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
