That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
