Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize