Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
