Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
