when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
