Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
