Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This toilet bowl is my home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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