Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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