and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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