i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
