it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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