I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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