When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
