dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
