I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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