Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
