So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
