You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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