once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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