Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
