I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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