Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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