you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
