I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
