my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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