I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize