Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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