What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
