I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
