well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
