hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
