I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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