I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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