bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
