someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
