Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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