Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
