Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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