Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
