I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
