it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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