He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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