Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
