Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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