Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
