It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dick has a subreddit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
