Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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