He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where is the hickey?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
