we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pants are for mortals
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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