my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
