so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
