omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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