Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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