I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
