Umm I'm too high to move.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
