but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
